pphaneuf: (Enlightened)
A little while ago (okay, okay, that was in November!), I went to see Me, Mom & Morgentaler at the Club Soda with [livejournal.com profile] gregorama and [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe. Oh my goodness, the energy! They did pretty well, for a bunch of fat people in their fourties. ;-)

On top of the sheer awesomeness of it, this was a rather significant event for me on so many fronts. To this day, I still remember parts of an evening I spent in St-Hyacinthe's downtown, on the sidewalk in front of one of the venues there, where I watched this band of insane people jumping around on the stage, being so completely and madly happy. That was sixteen years ago, and since then, lots happened, of course, and I didn't really expect to see them.

In fact, I didn't really even expect as much as to be able to pick up their CD, until that evening where [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe and I wandered from one used records store to the next (and to the next, and to the next, etc!), and we found it! Actually, she had found it, and managed to snatch it away in front of my eyes, but it turned out all right, as she gave it to me as a farewell gift, before I left for France. That was eighteen months ago, and since then, well, lots happened (ok, well, not nearly as much as in the sixteen years before, but still!)...

Among other things, we broke up, and frankly, while I try to see the nuances and not think in terms of black and white, a pretty ridiculously significant share of this disaster was on my shoulders. People weren't around to see it, but it was a massive breakdown, including talks of breaking up with [livejournal.com profile] azhrey as well, for a bit. I've come out of this rather scarred and traumatized, and I'm surprised I didn't just lose it (or maybe I did?). After this, I was still thinking that non-exclusive relationships could work, but I was seriously questioning my ability to do it myself, and considering how much happier my life has been since I accepted this aspect of myself, this was some hard core introspection. Let's just say that the daily ride on the commuter train was sometimes very thoughtful. I have been, and still am, to a degree, ashamed of the all pain I've caused to the people who I wanted to hurt the least.

I finally figured that maybe I wasn't doomed to failure, if only I could manage to learn from my mistakes.
pphaneuf: (Shades)
[livejournal.com profile] azrhey showed me the upcoming Locus Plethore, but [livejournal.com profile] cpirate pointed out that it's a a three-seater! So now, there's not just one! Awesome!

Beside the obviousness of what a 1,300 horsepower, 2,450 pounds mid-engined car is able to do, it being both a three-seater and Québecois is just so fitting, as [livejournal.com profile] madamewoo would certainly agree.
pphaneuf: (Default)
Tomorrow morning, I'll be having my three-month interview, for the end of my probation period. I do feel a bit insecure about that.

I've been applied on projects that aren't exactly my forte, but where I think I still did adequately, just because I rock so damned much (but there's severe wastage!). I've "suffered" from what apenwarr called the pphaneuf syndrome, where it looks like I'm doing nothing and really, I'm figuring hardcore stuff out, and at the end, the solution is so simple that people are tempted to think I'm a slacker (but if they had tried the same, they'd know I'm not). At NITI, I'd do a lot of code cleanups, where there wasn't too much of a scheduled attached to it, so that I'd be doing something useful with that idle time, or I'd be doing project management, which sucks in lots of time, but isn't too brain-intensive that I can "think in the background". Also, I've been missing all the clever task management tools we had at NITI.

At lunch, there was something I found curious, where during conversation, the prettiness of girls in some place came upon the subject, and at which point I mentioned that Toulouse wasn't treating us too badly in that regard, people looked at me and I was reminded of "having a, uh, roommate". Uh, never mind this being me and my "funny things", I'm just talking about having pretty girls to look at? I've heard comments like this before, but I found it very surprising coming from French people.

Oh well.
pphaneuf: (Default)
Had a massive going away party for [livejournal.com profile] azrhey and I last Friday at the office. Although I came in rather unfashionably late, the party then went quite nicely, with excellent food, some booze (can't really say my booze was excellent, but it was French!) and, of course, excellent company! At some point, I discovered that I couldn't fly. I'd like to thank [livejournal.com profile] sfllaw and [livejournal.com profile] gorbash_dragon for organizing it (they had some helpers too, I think, thanks to them as well!), and to all in attendance.

The next day, I woke up with a hangover, quite appropriately. Wasn't so bad, but just enough that I took an Advil (which I only do very rarely). Thankfully, that shooed it away successfully. After some breakfast at [livejournal.com profile] azrhey, I drove back to my place to meet with my mom, with whom we then dropped by the Blue Monday to say hello to [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe and introduce them. One of my co-workers who lives in the area (and was at the party the day before) passed by and dropping in to say hello as well. Then went back to my place with my mom and helped her with some online car shopping. When she had to leave, I went back to pick up [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe and did some hanging out downtown (after picking up a few forgotten items at the office from the party!).

Sunday was a bit loose. [livejournal.com profile] azrhey and I were supposed to go out and do some photography in the park near her place, but we both couldn't scrounge up the willpower to scrape ourselves up and go out, so we hung out at her place for the afternoon. Both being slightly fried, we decided that going to see Mission: Impossible III could be all right. Yeah, well, it was okay, but not all that impressive. Thankfully, we went in there for less than $2 (for the both of us), due to some coupon.

Monday, there was some brief drama, but it wasn't something bad as much as needing to talk and hold each other for a bit, in two different cases! But I really know some good people, it seems. After work, lady [livejournal.com profile] azrhey came back to my place, and we took it easy, watching some CSI: NY episodes. She corrupted my resolve to cook with pizza. Okay, I didn't have a whole lot of resolve to start with, but oh well...

Tuesday, I went to the poly cafe. Which is to say I went to Blue Monday, sat on the couch, and looked like a zombie, as I had a pretty hardcore day at work which left me just about brain-dead.

Wednesday, [livejournal.com profile] azrhey and I unlocked our cell phones. Cute, eh? We then felt the blah, as we gave up on doing some semi-active things and decided on lying in bed watching TV and cuddling instead. Not an altogether bad choice, all things considered! I also snagged a remote shutter release for my Canon EOS-20D (essential for night photography, and the one I already had for the EOS-300 and EOS-30 wasn't compatible, bastards!) cheap from my friend Jean. Nice!

Thursday (hey, that's today!), I bought another bloody bag. This one is for the tripod, and I like it already, as [livejournal.com profile] liberation_now and I have gone out to do some urban exploration, hoping to catch some nice photos. This expedition wasn't all that successful, unfortunately, but we managed to have some fun anyway, and went for coffee later on, talking politics and partying (related subjects, no?).

Today was also [livejournal.com profile] taxlady's birthday! Happy (now belated, ugh!) birthday!
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
Ahem, having to catch up a bit! I don't know if I'd say that I'm being lazy, but I'm not writing much, anyway...

Monday morning, I dropped the Linux Mobile at the garage for regular maintenance and changing the tires. Although I'm rather happy to have the grippier four-season tires on, there was a bunch of tiny details that made this a rather expensive visit. Nothing bad, but it was time for one of those more thorough inspections, supposed to change the brake fluid at 50,000 kilometers, and so on... When the guy at the garage called me to tell me what needed to be done and how much it'd cost, he almost forgot to mention that the rear-window wiper was worn out. Worth $12, at that point, it didn't really matter. :-)

Monday evening, [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe had the genius idea of taking a laptop and an Invader Zim DVD, and go watch it in a park. We stopped by Pho Lien on Côte-des-Neiges and Côte-Ste-Catherine for some food first, which sort of pointed us at the goodness of the Mount-Royal Park as our selection. As we were cuddling near the Beaver Lake, bats were swooshing above us and we had a very nice sunset, as we were laughing our asses off. The deep blue of the sky outlined the building on the edge of the lake very nicely, as it has bright orange panels, would have made a very nice photo. The ducks quacked at us a bit, and we told them... MONKEYS!

Tuesday, I had the lady [livejournal.com profile] azrhey over. We were supposed to look for apartments, but it seemed like our willpower was all but exhausted. We watched Kinsey instead, which was rather funny. It was rather funny that the very stuck-up Thurman Rice character was played by Tim Curry (who, of course, is remembered as having played Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away), or Clyde asking Mac whether she'd like to have sex with him (and then Kinsey calling out for her while she's in bed because they're going to be late for a dinner with a guy from the Rockefeller Foundation). Some of the things people asked were quite hilarious, but at the same time, it's amazing how badly America was in a kind of sexual dark ages (some would argue they still kind of are, but really, that's nothing). Watching that movie was a lot of fun, in any case. Maybe I should buy it.

Yesterday, I fixed a really subtle bug in a quite wonderful way, at work, I was rather proud! [livejournal.com profile] azrhey and I finally did some apartment searching, and we did find a place that has a number of temporary apartments for rent that seems very nice (rooms and studios), I hope they'll have something for us. Watched some "CSI: NY" and cuddled. Cuddling is good. I like cuddling with the lady.

*sniffles*

Apr. 28th, 2006 04:00 pm
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
After getting my electricity more or less sorted out (I have a high-capacity wall outlet right above my kitchen sink, nothing can go wrong with this, can it?), the lady [livejournal.com profile] azrhey and I went out to the Superclub Videotron of Death in Ville-Émard, and rented a few flicks to cuddle up to.

We started off with Les Sous-doués, which is something the lady said I had to see. Can't say I didn't like it. It was stupendously dumb, yes, but quite funny in its own style. Maybe my weakness for teenage comedies helped, there! This is definitely not exactly for everyone, though!

For something entirely different, we then watched Immortel (ad vitam), a movie based on a trilogy of graphic novels by Enki Bilal, and directed by the same. While it wasn't the greatest movie ever, it definitely had the visuals of European graphic novels to it, with a sometimes rather clashing, but always stylish mix of real actors and computer-generated characters. The Egyptian gods playing Monopoly while waiting for Horus' sentence to go through, for example, was a nice touch. It also helped that the two lead actors were rather hot. :-)

Started feeling a bit icky between then and Thursday morning. Blast. Nothing too serious, but I expect a wave of sickness and pestilence at the office (sorry guys!).

Thursday evening, visited [livejournal.com profile] blacksquiggles and [livejournal.com profile] xipetotec with [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe. Their creepy kids called me creepy again, [livejournal.com profile] blacksquiggles high fived [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe, to everyone's (including the kids!) amazement.

I was actually planning on getting up early to get solid work done, but I was feeling icky again, so I decided to sleep it in, in the hope of keeping it at bay rather than stretching myself thin and breaking down. Oh well.

There's a day-trip to Ottawa in the works this Sunday, if there's any suggestions of fun things to do in the capital, send them over!
pphaneuf: (Shades)
Had a nice evening at [livejournal.com profile] tygrbabe's place, fleeing the failing electrical system of my apartment, where all the 220 volts things (like heat boards, the water heater and the stove!) don't work. [livejournal.com profile] liberation_now had me nearly die of shame, but it was rather amusing overall. I was semi-formally introduced to Download (since when do I do anything formally, anyway?), good stuff!

I'm really looking forward toward some hanging out with [livejournal.com profile] liberation_now. But I have this feeling he might leave a virus in my mind and corrupt it irrevocably. The bastard.

Came in to work very early, to get a head-start as I was planning on the electrician calling me in the morning to fix things (I'm back at home now, waiting for him, argh!). Had a few small changes to make to the source code of the "cleaning up" nature that [livejournal.com profile] cpirate was supposed to review. As I was done but he still wasn't arrived, I saw another easy picking. Then another. And another. When the poor man arrived at the office, I had a nice pile of cleanups to review, instead of the "few small changes" I was supposed to have, hehe!

Then, there was also the yelling at various supervisors, landlords and electricians... There better fucking be heating here tonight, or there will be bloody murder!

In the gems of coincidences, as I finally decided to go get some things at Ikea, and thus take care of my long-standing credit with them (I have an Ikea credit card that I mistakenly paid the bill for twice once), I received a check for the amount they owed me. Well done.
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
Whew, haven't written in about two weeks. Which is well known to be silly (in my case, it's usually when there's bad shit going on). I won't go into the details of a day-to-day coverage, that'd just be too much to write (and to read!). It's not just bad shit, thankfully, there's also very good stuff, but I've just been insanely busy, I didn't want to write without covering the bad stuff at all and just skip it... So here we are!

I struggled with some uncharacteristically large amounts of drama in my love life, mainly because I'm a blubbering idiot at times. No, don't anyone argue. I am, sometimes, and that's that. I might mean good, but that's not enough to do good. My shiny white armour isn't looking too pretty. Still, I go on. Mistakes where one doesn't learn are the only real failures, I think.

Other than that, there has been all sorts of things, both good and bad... She Wants Revenge, delicious dinner at [livejournal.com profile] sfllaw, dental work (complete with temporary damage to my nervous system!), water heater going dead, Easter dinners, lazy mornings, early mornings, movies, rusty water sprayed all over my kitchen, flamenco, hot water back on, Ikea, pantslessness, various anniversaries, hot water and heating going dead, packing, cleaning...

I was having a bit of a case of the "blah" yesterday that I couldn't really identify (maybe it was just the doing dishes or cleaning the bathtub with cold water? these are things I don't like doing even with hot water, so...), but I'm much better this morning, despite a rather cold night. The lady [livejournal.com profile] azrhey might disagree, but apparently, being cold is healthier for you, they say? Oh well!
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
I've spent a worrying and stressful end of week (last week now, my writing is getting spotty!), but even weirder, still fun and interesting nonetheless.

Read more... )
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
What's in a name? On the use and abuse of labels...

Read more... )

Mr Nice Guy

Mar. 9th, 2006 03:22 am
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
Thanks for the support, people. Just a teensy bit of panic, you know? I'm slowly coming back to my sense and taking care of the stuff.

Seems like I might not be able to take Diva along with me. I've started looking at finding her a new host. I had someone in mind, asked there first. Might still require some temporary lodging (for a few months). I'm rather sad, I'll miss her a lot (I did when I was in France for two weeks!). This will be the second cat that I really care about that I'd have to split up with.

Looking into getting rid of the Linux Mobile too. Much less heartbreaking, even though I might get a bit sentimental at times. So, if you'd be interested in taking over a lease on a low mileage, well-maintained Mazda Protegé5 2003 (here's a photo), contact me.

The only acceptable replacement would be, of course, a McLaren F1 (got to have some goals, no?), the only three-seater sport car ever, while also being one of the most awesome ever, full stop. Coincidence? I think not. ;-)

Went to see Peter Jackson's King Kong with [livejournal.com profile] red_star_stone. I felt a bit thorn about that. On one hand, I didn't entirely feel like going out for a movie, and even if I had, I'd probably prefer going with someone I feel closer to, before time runs out. But on the other hand, I don't really like dropping the ball on people at the last minute, especially as she had changed her work schedule to fit this day. So I decided to stay with it (I did back out of some other things, and will be pickier, to make better use of what time I do have). I'm told I might be a little too nice, sometimes. I can think of worse things I could be too much of, that'll have to do!

Turned out okay. It's a good movie, although not making the top of my list. Some performances were spotty, good at times, not so much in others. The kind of content did suit my slightly iffy mood pretty well, though, and maybe it wasn't such a bad decision after all to go. I wasn't too hungry today, and now, I feel the hunger coming back. Easily entertained, I suppose!

Got to chat a bit with the good man [livejournal.com profile] gregorama, whom I'll be having dinner with (in company of [livejournal.com profile] azrhey and [livejournal.com profile] jul3z, awesome company!) tomorrow evening. That should be quite nice, and I should be in a much better mood by then!
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
Not long before I went to France, my mom paid me a little visit, where we went out for dinner, introduced her to espresso (it was rather burnt, unfortunately, and returning it only got us less burnt coffee) and... I came out to her as poly (ah, the iffy relationship I have with that word).

I wasn't too worried, because my mom is just so damned cool (and crazy!), it's unbelievable. But still, with my mom, I've always been of the type to deal with things as they happened, and I had always figured that, someday, I'd bring a girl over, she'd ask what happened to the other one, and I'd have explained it to her, or something along those lines.

But as I am leaving for France, I was figuring that this might just never happen, and I didn't want to have to explain that over the phone, or something like that! Lacking the body language feedback could be critical to averting a misunderstanding. So I decided to do it "cold", as I didn't another girl handy to go out with her. :-P

I have to admit having being a bit anxious about it during dinner, but it came through very nicely. I had to explain a bit, as she first asked whether the girls knew about each others, and I think my answer (a big emphatic yes!) reassured her much. Her opinion is pretty much that as long as everyone is treated respectfully and is happy with this, then it's fine by her.

Isn't she awesome?

Edit: I was being a bit ironic with the expression "coming out" (hence using quotes and all), since in my situation, it's kind of like coming out about liking Bran Flakes (which I do!). And associating other people with things would be a grave mistake. This journal is all about me, if you want to know about other people, you know where to find them, go and ask them!

For further amusement, see this comment thread, or consult your pineal gland.

Ponderings

Mar. 3rd, 2006 03:33 am
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
A weird day, on some number of levels.

Productivity today was just plain horrible, no two ways around it. My biggest achievement was some deep wizardry architecture decision (edge versus level based event notification, for those morbidly curious) with apenwarr. He said it was quite weird to be discussing code again, poor him.

I was also just completely fluff-headed. I was heading to the French Consulate, and didn't even know what to ask. I tried organizing a gaming evening by sending an email that only specified that it was Saturday, at my place, without saying which Saturday, how to get at my place or any number of other things needed for proper invitations. The cherry on top was when I was about to totally side-line [livejournal.com profile] azrhey for the evening (which would have been a horrible mistake, as it was a great time!). I've always been somewhat the forgetful, distracted type, which can be charming, but today was just too much.

With this fluff-headedness, sometimes I wonder if I could ever really pull off having more than one lover. I mean, some days, I wonder how I can pull off having just one. Ah, yes, I remember how. I'm crazy. As we say, you don't have to be crazy, but it helps! I note that most of my experiences are with liking a girl that likes other boys too.

While discussing things with [livejournal.com profile] azrhey, I mentioned some mistakes I have made in the past with another favourite person. Just at the mention of those, I felt my body temperature and blood pressure rise, sweating a bit. Wow, that's quite some impact, getting a physical reaction immediately! Never again.

I've been pondering also how "easy" I am. I hang out for someone just a little bit, and I get attracted pretty easily. I was trying to see if there was any deeper meaning to this, am I just some kind of dirty womanizer or something, but I think it's pretty explainable with two things. First, you can evaluate basic physical attractiveness pretty quickly. You see someone, and you can tell "hey, she's hot", it takes no time at all. Second, I've become very attuned to what I feel and will avoid denial as much as I can. Result? I see a hot girl in the metro, and I go *hurr*. Well done! I'm not entirely sure that's what girls are looking for when they say they want a "sensitive boy", LOL!

But my favourite people, they get there the hard way, learning to know them. Heck, they didn't even attract my eye much more than a "oh, she's cute or pretty" at first. I found [livejournal.com profile] denizsarikaya annoying at first. [livejournal.com profile] ayria pretty much slipped under the radar for a good while before I talked to her. [livejournal.com profile] azrhey scared me at first. And they've all eventually won me over. I still get butterflies for all three, on occasions! Oh, women, what have you done to me? Well, you can keep on doing it, it's quite all right! :-)

Once more, there was surprise at what constitutes "my type of girl". Yep, the punk one too. *shakes head*

Tomorrow, computer fixing and hanging out at [livejournal.com profile] ryss_rhiannon's. Bed now, if I ever want to get there!
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
Whoa, in danger of falling behind, with all sorts of interesting things happening!

I skipped writing about this for a few days, as I didn't want to be in a rush doing so, but come on, it's Wednesday now! Monday, as I arrived back home, I chatted up a fine individual on IM, and we ended up meeting for a beer or two. It was most enlightening. It's kind of annoying, because I'd like to hang out for other reasons (like having plain old fun with silly video games or Godzilla movies, for example!), but I'm all for communication, clarification and disambiguation, so I did want to have one of these talks sooner or later, just didn't expect it to be too soon (more on this, keep in mind this is all my side of things, pure opinion piece).

Read more... )

He's a good man. I think we're all pretty lucky, all things considered. We all know some pretty awesome people (hey, I got to flatter my own ego a bit, no?).

Should I be sad about some of that? Meh, I'm too busy to be sad, I've got a movie to go to with a nice girl. :-P
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
There's more to the following entry, but I like to get the emotional stuff out "while it's hot". My additions to the great book of history can wait until tomorrow!

Had a marvellous time today. Cuddles with my favourite person, then back the next morning, coming back to cook ourselves what seemed like a huge breakfast. Very enjoyable talk, hugs, cuddles, more hugs, the works. I'm going to get a cramp of the cheeks one of these days! Things were extremely simpler than they've been before (although not entirely simple, because, you know, we're weird like that!), which was absolutely refreshing.

The only thing that dulled my shininess some was parting time. I am terrible at those, particularly as there's a (smallish, but not insignificant) chance that this will be the last time I see her before I leave for Europe, and then, who knows? But I know the difference between "au revoir" and "adieu" very well, thank you. My feelings seem to be rather enduring, as I discovered not so long ago, when I saw the first girl I was in love with, something like 10 years after the last time I had seen her, and my heart twinged at me quite noticeably. Both nice and annoying, isn't it? Oh well!

Weird, my relationship with her. Yeah, I think that's the right word. I can definitely feel (note the "I" at the beginning of this sentence, and the lack of "know", if you want to know, you know where to ask, and it's not here!) that I'm in a small pile of loved ones (which, um, I can relate to very well!), but I'm also definitely not at the top of that pile (that spot seems to be occupied by a fine individual, so I do not feel slighted in the least), which has for consequence that I miss out on a few benefits. That's okay, I'm not the competitive type and I'm content in keeping the benefits I have now. There was one hug, in particular, which was almost overwhelmingly felt, it was amazing! Shiny, shiny me. :-)

I used the words "I love you" in writing for the first time in, hmm, 2 or 3 years now? Was kind of odd (I'm very sparing in my direct use of those words), but hey, I meant it.

So I was driving out of Waterloo, and I had this odd feeling in my guts... Couldn't decide if it was good or if it was bad. Not too horrible, even pleasant at times, but when it faded, about 300 kilometres later, I can't say I wasn't relieved. Still, nothing to do with what I had in my guts the last time I drove back from there alone, which was just nasty, and took nearly 24 hours to fade away. Eww, that wasn't fun. Let's not do this again, shall we?

Arrived safely, now I'm in my bed, by myself (okay, well, there's also the Diva along my legs!). At the moment, if it's not going to be that favourite person, then it's exactly how I want my bed to be populated. No making-do around here, if you're ever in this bed, rest assured you're the only one wanted there.

Now, I'm having another feeling in my guts, but I know this one much better: I didn't eat since that crazy breakfast! Yeah, I think I'll have a bite... :-P
pphaneuf: (Default)
Finally got rid of my table, donated to [livejournal.com profile] peaceful_dragon's other job. Seems like it found a new home where it will be useful! I'm also thankful for the secret tip on how to meet women, LOL!

I then went over to see to my registration for the elections. A bit of looking around to find the place, but it went rather quickly.

I then headed over to [livejournal.com profile] vegancafe, to drop by on the [livejournal.com profile] mtlpoly café. It's weird, as when I arrived, I felt like if I was at someone's home, and bent down to take off my boots, when I realized "hey, wait! this is a café!" and kept them. I guess it says something good about the atmosphere! Fought with the wireless a bit (their router was wacky, and gave me a recipe for a white russian instead of the Internet, go figure), then settled down with some tea and the damned evil crack-filled brownies. Yeah, poly café my arse, I'm all about the brownies! ;-)

It is kind of funny living in such nerdy times that when I asked around who was on LJ, someone who didn't know what it was then pulled her laptop, created herself a user and then asked me what my username was to friend me. Whoa, that was quick! Hello, [livejournal.com profile] edelwais, and welcome!

I came home at a reasonable hour, to a good surprise: I did a software update on my Mac, turns out iTunes has been updated and it is now much faster with files played through QuickTime (such as Ogg Vorbis files) and now gets the title of tracks correctly from them. It still doesn't get the year or the track number correctly, but the title was the most annoying, so that's a step forward. I wonder if the visualizations have been fixed, Apple told me it was a known issue...

Had myself some leftover food from Saturday, before it became self-aware. I realize that, as long as I know [livejournal.com profile] azrhey, I will never starve to death.

Got some nice time chatting with various people, that's cool!
pphaneuf: (Sleepy Head)
Had a good time today, after a bit of a low with lots of stress and tiredness. I'm tired now, granted, but it's just because it's so damned late, so it's okay.

I got a Canon 28mm/f1.8 USM on order. I've been wanting that lens for a long time, saving up and stuff (since june? whew!), and now I'll be getting it soon. This will be an excellent walkaround lens. I was really missing the way my 50mm/f1.8 was on a film body (with the 20D, it comes out as an 80mm), and this will come out as about 45mm, with USM to boot (fast and silent!), it will be very nice.

I'm feeling semi-social. I want to see some people pretty hard, but large crowds are putting me off a bit. And I want to keep things simple. So I don't think I'll do Shadow Court.

Still feeling like making a "mix tape" (on a CD, really), even had picked a first track, Ministry's "Stigmata". Then I wasn't so sure how to follow it up properly, but got another idea for another mix tape, starting with Einstürzende Neubauten's "NNNAAAMMM". This one, I have a better idea of what else I'd put on, but the immediate track after the opening eludes me. This is kind of fun, I just listen to everything I have on random, attentive to what would go well with an air pressure valve exhausting... Heh.

Had some interesting discussion tonight with the lady [livejournal.com profile] azrhey. Apparently, some people use labels in really wretched ways. I think we need some labels, you know, "words" we call them, so that we can communicate about things, but these people are just weird. An example brought up was that say I had just one girlfriend at the moment, then I wouldn't be poly. Of course not, since I don't have more than one girlfriend! Duh! I really wonder, is a guy that doesn't have a girlfriend not hetero, then?

In essence, it comes down to the label describing me, rather than me trying to fit some label that's being applied. It's difficult having an alternative lifestyle this way, though, because there's all those alternative subcultures that are minorities and when they encounter someone who'd fit, they're all about that subculture's aspect. It's a subtle difference, but you get to see it. And as I discussed with [livejournal.com profile] elliptic_curve before, this is annoying, because all the books and resources, they get done by the "enthusiastic" people (like The Ethical Slut, a really good example of this). It doesn't make them bad resources, it just makes them bloody annoying to read!

Through some brief exchange with [livejournal.com profile] feygele, I guess I'm just queer. And queer theory seems fitting, particularly the bit about how "it questions the use of socially assigned categories based on the division between those who share some habit or lifestyle and those who do not".

For example, I was reflecting upon some suggestion of going to a swinging club that had been offered to me. I can see how I could possibly fit the definition of a swinger, but that I don't want to belong to that subculture at all. It's the same, to a lesser extent, with poly. I'm just who I am, I do things some way, and while you could call it that, it feels a bit uncomfortable sometimes when it's done.

It brings back this memory where I was in a bar, about to kiss a girl I know, and she was saying "well, we shouldn't you're with so-and-so", and the other girl with her (who I knew too) just said very loudly that "it was okay, he's poly". Gah, talk about being labeled from all sides at once!
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I mean to talk with some people during this trip. I'm not totally sure what I want to say yet, but I can feel I have something to say.

Being honest is tricky business, ain't it? )
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Went to see Shopgirl for free with [livejournal.com profile] azrhey ('cause she's the one with the connections, yo!). It's terrible. I had seen it described as "the Lost in Translation of this year", and it's so not. It didn't have the photography, didn't have the excellent screenplay, didn't have the great soundtrack, didn't have the tight acting (although I'll give the actors some credit, they did all right in this mess)... Oh, the voice-overs, gah! But, fear not, it is not a complete loss of a movie, as there is a few scenes with Claire Danes naked.

Somehow, I had a very good time anyway. The company is ever so critical!

Yesterday evening, I went to the poly cafe. Was interesting. I have this odd relationship with polyamory in general, where it seem to describe how I think, more or less, but that it seems to be so much more than this to some people. It's a bit like indie music: a band can be indie (as they would be independent of major recording labels), but you cannot describe the band's music as indie, it just doesn't really mean anything as to what kind of music they do. Except I think that it's the reverse for poly. Or something. Stupid words, they're useless. Except, they're not entirely useless, so that will have to do.

But these people didn't have much of that annoying attitude. It's sort of weird to gather around and talk about those kinds of issues (think of monogamous people gathering for coffee and chatting with an agenda around love life, it would be weird too). One asked how others met poly people, which had me roll my eyes for an instant (I never go out "looking" for love, as I said, I get into enough trouble as it is!), but I realized it was more of a general query (yeah, how the heck do you meet people? I've always wondered...). Another started a discussion on the contradiction between honesty and respecting the wishes of the other those people who ask that not to be told about other partners cause. I did connect a bit.

Earlier today, I sold my dishwasher, finally, and I got up-bargained! I had asked the buyer for some money and a beer (to make up for the low, low price!), and she offered the money and a case of beer. Then, when I showed up, she had two cases of beer for me! Cool!

I then headed over to Ikea, where I bought good curtains for the bedroom (hey, it's only been a year I've been trying to do that!) and tried out the one dollar breakfast they have there. It's decent, keeping in mind it's only a dollar.

I did all the calls I meant to do, got a consultation appointment for laser eye surgery, talked to my landlord, got rid of my car bike rack... All in all, a good day!

Now, I'll be going to sleep, and it's off to Waterloo and Toronto tomorrow! Will be seeing The Decemberists with a favourite person! Why can't we be tomorrow already? Oh wait, yeah, rest and sleep, right...
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I kept meaning to spend some time with myself, in the last month, do some introspection, some thinking (but not too much!). Today, I had a hard time getting solid work done, so I helped others do better work instead, left (relatively) early, and took the evening for myself. I ordered some food in, watched The Last Samurai, letting Diva take care of me as she knows how, and am now taking some time to ramble a bit. Read on, if you can!

Inane rambling follows... )

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