My "coming out"

[pphaneuf]

Not long before I went to France, my mom paid me a little visit, where we went out for dinner, introduced her to espresso (it was rather burnt, unfortunately, and returning it only got us less burnt coffee) and... I came out to her as poly (ah, the iffy relationship I have with that word).

I wasn't too worried, because my mom is just so damned cool (and crazy!), it's unbelievable. But still, with my mom, I've always been of the type to deal with things as they happened, and I had always figured that, someday, I'd bring a girl over, she'd ask what happened to the other one, and I'd have explained it to her, or something along those lines.

But as I am leaving for France, I was figuring that this might just never happen, and I didn't want to have to explain that over the phone, or something like that! Lacking the body language feedback could be critical to averting a misunderstanding. So I decided to do it "cold", as I didn't another girl handy to go out with her. :-P

I have to admit having being a bit anxious about it during dinner, but it came through very nicely. I had to explain a bit, as she first asked whether the girls knew about each others, and I think my answer (a big emphatic yes!) reassured her much. Her opinion is pretty much that as long as everyone is treated respectfully and is happy with this, then it's fine by her.

Isn't she awesome?

Edit: I was being a bit ironic with the expression "coming out" (hence using quotes and all), since in my situation, it's kind of like coming out about liking Bran Flakes (which I do!). And associating other people with things would be a grave mistake. This journal is all about me, if you want to know about other people, you know where to find them, go and ask them!

For further amusement, see this comment thread, or consult your pineal gland.

Comments

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she really kicks arse! I didn't tell my dad, though, but because of certain past history (*cough* he cheated *cough*), I don't feel the need for his approval. He can find out as it happens, I won't hide it from him, and I think he's reasonable enough to shut the fuck up. ;-)

[gregorama.livejournal.com]

*high fives*

Hard to imagine what my kin would say. Dad would likely shrug and go back to talking about golf. Mom would have given me a funny eye and told me to be careful. A few would assume that there's a little sumpin' on the side going on is all. Overall I don't think I'd encounter any severe reactions with the possible exception of my aunt. But then again I don't know her too well.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Well, some in my family would would probably scream bloody murder, which I wouldn't care too much about, but I'm trying to save the ears of some people who I do care about. :-)

My dad's girlfriend, ohh, she'd probably give me a doozie of a headache if she knew, LOL!

[gregorama.livejournal.com]

My family (the 'F' word I referred to earlier) as defined by blood is quite small, dispersed, and generally irrelevant to my life.
One of the side benefits of this situation is that I get to choose who is my family and those I choose would be accepting of any non-destructive lifestyle I wish to lead. That's part of why I choose them! :)

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Cool, me, my semi-immediate family is both huge (my mother has 10 other sisters and brothers!) and rather close by (within an hour or two by car). Can lead to massive disasters! ;-)

[urbangeo.livejournal.com]

I read through part of that link to poly info and it seems to do a good job explaining it. I knew what it was before but it was a good read none the less.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's one of my favourite link to explain it to people. Remarkably non-crazy and sensible.

[swestrup]

You know, until this post I never realized that being poly was something one might come out to someone about. It seems such a normal lifestyle choice to me that it would be like calling my mom to tell her that I was switching from boxer shorts to boxer briefs.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not like I was hiding it, wanted more to make things clear in person, rather than on the phone.

Reactions vary a great deal, just like coming out about being gay. My mom would probably be just fine with me being gay as well, thinking of it, LOL! But some people find this debaucherous and immoral, and some would cut off their relation with you for that (which is crazy, of course, but there's no lack of crazy people).

[swestrup]

Yeah. My mom seems to be of the "Don't tell me about your sex life! I don't want to know!" variety, so its not like it would come up in conversation anyway.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Haha! I think my dad would be like that as well, and my mom wouldn't really care, but it's when it comes down to bringing someone over for dinner or something. That's something you'd be doing in front of your mom!

[phrawzty.livejournal.com]

No doubt.. i really have issues with using the word "poly" in almost any context. :/

As for my mom.. well, i haven't told her, largely because i am not actually seeing anybody other than jul3z. I suspect that if i got around to fostering another longish-term relationship with somebody, i would mention it to ye olde parental unit - but until then, i'm el husho de mayo on the subject...

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's a word I use mostly for communication purposes, but some associations with it are... sketchy, at best. See this, and elliptic_curve's comment at the bottom about pagans, hehe!

It was something like that as well for me, but decided that I'd prefer telling in person, but that it'd be difficult to do once I leave, and I definitely wouldn't want to keep things quiet if something did happen.

[rottenfruit.livejournal.com]

Congrats! It really is a lot like coming out.