Pierre Phaneuf's Diary

On the train back from Lyon, this time on a fancier two-stories TGV, and being in the daylight, I can actually see outside. No snow in the Alps for Christmas, which is pretty strange, but being at a bit of an altitude, there was frost everywhere like I've never seen before, it was quite beautiful with the late morning sun.



Nantua Lakefront Frosted Over

I didn't call anyone or put out any "merry Christmas" messages, though. I feel right at the edge, being okay, but not having anything left for what's not here and now. It doesn't seem like I can code, yet.

But still, while it might be a bit late, happy celebrations to everyone. Well, actually, you know what? Just be happy in general, and that'd be quite okay, I'd say.

As a proof that I'm not just blindly pissed off at the whole of France, I'd like to mention that I totally love how there's fog more often here, in the morning. Particularly yesterday morning, where I was riding the train, and temperature was just at the freezing point, so there was all these little crystals on the grass, making it seem as if somebody grabbed the saturation dial for the world and turned down. Might seem gloomy to some, but I like it muchly. There's a kind of old manor that I can see between trees and building from my desk, and when there's a fog, it makes for just its ghostly tower barely making it, it's very nice.

Seems official that the lady azrhey and I will be taking a 24 hour blitz-trip to Barcelona for the New Year. Wondering whether I should bring my camera or not, since it might be a little crazy, but still, should be quite cool.

I have to make pictures for my work. I find it odd, because the person who asked for it is generally literate, but I just fail to see the need myself. I don't know, I might just be easily tickled these days, wouldn't surprise me.

I have an evaluation interview later this afternoon, which I have mixed feelings over, since I know very well I've been doing a rather poor job, but I'm also having a hard time caring. I've been late to work a few times recently, and I'd ask for (actual) flexible hours, but I realized that even if I get them, it wouldn't be that helpful, since I'm still bound by the bloody train schedule.

Meh.

Very much looking forward to the weekend.

Ouch, that was a bad week. So, of course, I didn't write.

There was this moment, at some point, where the root causes of my annoyances here were coming together before my eyes, and I could see that they weren't specific to particular companies or individuals, but a product of the whole system, and that, therefore, there was precious little chance of avoiding it. They're not intrinsically negative things, but similarly to apenwarr, I like small and responsive, rather than big and stable.

In France (and most of Europe in general, it would seem), things are optimized for stability, from the top-down. They have a strong, controlling state, unified almost all the way down, with cities having a little control (not much), and the bulk of decisions emanating from the center. Have you ever wondered how such enterprisey things as the WS-Deathstar ever see any use? As far as making money and keeping things the way they were, they are doing a marvelous job, actually, but when it comes to things like "making a difference" or "doing something I could give a flying fuck about", well, it's rather less than stellar. For example, do you know Bull? No? Never heard of them? It's the premier European IT supplier, something a bit like IBM, but for Europe. They have such giant customers such as Dassault Aviation, EDF, Total, Boehringer Ingelheim, La Poste, SNECMA, France Telecom, T-Com and the SNCF. What, you've never heard of most of these either? I can assure you, they're all gigantic, half of them are or have been nationalized at some point, and the system will roll on forward whether you know about them or not! I do think there is change coming, but the timeframe is in the decade, I would say. I'm not that patient!

At first, I didn't know what to do anymore, and that left me very sad. This being a systemic issue means that finding another job wouldn't do it. Starting my own company wouldn't really do it either, as I'd have this system to deal with (and more pressingly, would quickly have serious problems with hiring).

That last thought kind of surprised me, though, in another way. Previously, I didn't want to start a company. I didn't want to do management, didn't want to deal with the business end of things, and I was rather afraid of the risks. I just wanted to program. But in the last few years, I did management (and actually enjoyed it, I reluctantly have to admit), I got interested in business, probably from hanging out with apenwarr, even if it wasn't to his scale. And ironically, this project of moving to Europe had me face my fear of risks, where I didn't know where I'd work, where I'd live, how I'd get to stay in the country and other such things. So, oddly enough, I'm now considering doing something I can't do here, but only because I have come here!

Now, I'm not just packing up just yet! I still want to travel around Europe some, and I can do a good amount of the early work on just about any potential idea for a startup from here. So I'll be doing that.

For the shorter term, there's a trip to see some of azrhey's family for Christmas, and possibly a short trip to Barcelona for the New Year, getting pick-pocketed and all, as the tradition requires. And I've discussed some idea of going to Copenhagen to see skjalm, which would be very nice.

I also met two hot girls on the train, Hungarian and Italian. See, it's not all that bad around here, hehe!

Took a sick day today, for the silliest of reasons. Monday, I really didn't feel like lugging myself to work, but today, I was doing all right, other than a sore throat. Walking out the door, it started raining a little. Nothing serious, just a little pleasant rain, and I hopped on the bus quickly anyway.

You see, the bus system in my area is pretty simple. I go the Grande Rue St-Michel, there's a bus stop, and all of the buses stopping there go to the train station. Simple enough, right? It soon started to pour, and quickly after, the bus took an unexpected turn. Seems this bus was temporarily redirected. I figured I'd get off at the next stop, and walk to the station, but it just kept going for a good while first, to join its normal route.

I quickly got lost, running around in the pouring rain, trying to find my way to the train station. I managed to find the train tracks in time to see my train pass by. Ugh. After finding another bus headed in a more convenient direction (AKA "somewhere I've been before"), I decided that maybe I'd better cut my losses and go home, instead of going in the freezer they call my office (although it did get better).

To think I was actually looking forward to work today, and would have rather stayed in bed yesterday... Ugh. Well, I get to write about a few recent things, I suppose.

Thursday, I went to the QJeLT of Toulibre. I'm trying to reverse-engineer how I went from knowing nearly no one when I arrived in Montréal, to see what I could be doing now. I guess starting meeting people from one field of interest and jumping around to other subjects is one way.

Friday, I went to see Matmos, as part of the Printemps de Septembre. As azrhey wasn't feeling too well, I hooked up with one of my co-workers. I took some photos. Some interesting conversation too, although it was a bit one-sided (on my side). I blabbered a lot. ;-)

azrhey's bike had a slow leak on her rear tire, so Saturday we headed out to have it fixed. We each bought bike computers, while we were there, decently priced German little things. I got myself a small rear-view mirror, so I can check my six when I'm doing my thing in the streets of Toulouse. Then, we biked back, stopping at the fair for a ferris wheel ride. I took some more photos, once more.

Sunday, we rode our bikes along the Canal du Midi, tasted the wonders of Quick's sundaes, then watched The Devil Wears Prada.

It's been four weeks since I ordered in the battery for my laptop, and they said "four to six weeks". Where's my battery now? WHERE IS IT?

They said on the news today that on September 11, the world changed. Well, I don't think they had that in mind, but kyotto was born on that day! Happy birthday kyotto!

I arrived about a minute before my train was due to leave this morning. No worries, I hop on the closest car, hang my bike on the rack, sit down and open my book. Two or three minutes later, I check the time, seeing we should have left a few minutes ago... I go to the door to check the time on the platform's clock, only to see that the other car that was attached to the one I was in is now gone! That has got to be one of the stupidest way to miss a train.

One of my co-workers picked up a pair of abandoned kittens from the street, has found a home for one of them and asked me if I wanted the other one. Sent me pictures and all, so cute, but I don't think I'm good to have a cat right now...