Ponderings

[pphaneuf]

A weird day, on some number of levels.

Productivity today was just plain horrible, no two ways around it. My biggest achievement was some deep wizardry architecture decision (edge versus level based event notification, for those morbidly curious) with apenwarr. He said it was quite weird to be discussing code again, poor him.

I was also just completely fluff-headed. I was heading to the French Consulate, and didn't even know what to ask. I tried organizing a gaming evening by sending an email that only specified that it was Saturday, at my place, without saying which Saturday, how to get at my place or any number of other things needed for proper invitations. The cherry on top was when I was about to totally side-line azrhey for the evening (which would have been a horrible mistake, as it was a great time!). I've always been somewhat the forgetful, distracted type, which can be charming, but today was just too much.

With this fluff-headedness, sometimes I wonder if I could ever really pull off having more than one lover. I mean, some days, I wonder how I can pull off having just one. Ah, yes, I remember how. I'm crazy. As we say, you don't have to be crazy, but it helps! I note that most of my experiences are with liking a girl that likes other boys too.

While discussing things with azrhey, I mentioned some mistakes I have made in the past with another favourite person. Just at the mention of those, I felt my body temperature and blood pressure rise, sweating a bit. Wow, that's quite some impact, getting a physical reaction immediately! Never again.

I've been pondering also how "easy" I am. I hang out for someone just a little bit, and I get attracted pretty easily. I was trying to see if there was any deeper meaning to this, am I just some kind of dirty womanizer or something, but I think it's pretty explainable with two things. First, you can evaluate basic physical attractiveness pretty quickly. You see someone, and you can tell "hey, she's hot", it takes no time at all. Second, I've become very attuned to what I feel and will avoid denial as much as I can. Result? I see a hot girl in the metro, and I go *hurr*. Well done! I'm not entirely sure that's what girls are looking for when they say they want a "sensitive boy", LOL!

But my favourite people, they get there the hard way, learning to know them. Heck, they didn't even attract my eye much more than a "oh, she's cute or pretty" at first. I found denizsarikaya annoying at first. ayria pretty much slipped under the radar for a good while before I talked to her. azrhey scared me at first. And they've all eventually won me over. I still get butterflies for all three, on occasions! Oh, women, what have you done to me? Well, you can keep on doing it, it's quite all right! :-)

Once more, there was surprise at what constitutes "my type of girl". Yep, the punk one too. *shakes head*

Tomorrow, computer fixing and hanging out at ryss_rhiannon's. Bed now, if I ever want to get there!