No More Nervous Breakdown!

[pphaneuf]

A little while ago (okay, okay, that was in November!), I went to see Me, Mom & Morgentaler at the Club Soda with gregorama and tygrbabe. Oh my goodness, the energy! They did pretty well, for a bunch of fat people in their fourties. ;-)

On top of the sheer awesomeness of it, this was a rather significant event for me on so many fronts. To this day, I still remember parts of an evening I spent in St-Hyacinthe's downtown, on the sidewalk in front of one of the venues there, where I watched this band of insane people jumping around on the stage, being so completely and madly happy. That was sixteen years ago, and since then, lots happened, of course, and I didn't really expect to see them.

In fact, I didn't really even expect as much as to be able to pick up their CD, until that evening where tygrbabe and I wandered from one used records store to the next (and to the next, and to the next, etc!), and we found it! Actually, she had found it, and managed to snatch it away in front of my eyes, but it turned out all right, as she gave it to me as a farewell gift, before I left for France. That was eighteen months ago, and since then, well, lots happened (ok, well, not nearly as much as in the sixteen years before, but still!)...

Among other things, we broke up, and frankly, while I try to see the nuances and not think in terms of black and white, a pretty ridiculously significant share of this disaster was on my shoulders. People weren't around to see it, but it was a massive breakdown, including talks of breaking up with azhrey as well, for a bit. I've come out of this rather scarred and traumatized, and I'm surprised I didn't just lose it (or maybe I did?). After this, I was still thinking that non-exclusive relationships could work, but I was seriously questioning my ability to do it myself, and considering how much happier my life has been since I accepted this aspect of myself, this was some hard core introspection. Let's just say that the daily ride on the commuter train was sometimes very thoughtful. I have been, and still am, to a degree, ashamed of the all pain I've caused to the people who I wanted to hurt the least.

I finally figured that maybe I wasn't doomed to failure, if only I could manage to learn from my mistakes.

Comments

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's true, not learning is the real failure.

As you'll see in my next post, which ought to be more current, instead of dealing with stuff that happened in freakin' November (and right there, that should tell you how busy I am!), I'm going to be insanely busy (like, even more!) until the 27th, where I'll be flying off to California for two weeks.

On my return, though, feel free to get in touch for some cocoa or tea!

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[pdage.livejournal.com]

Absolutely not related to your self musings, but I was one of the bouncers for that show 16 years ago. It was one of the trippiest things I did :)

That show was with two other bands, the Inefables Titos and GrimSkunk. During Me Mom's set the singer for Grimskunk wanted to go on stage but the guy looked like a regular bum and one of the front guys picked him up mid air as he was going on the stage and threw him down in the crowd. It's a miracle we all got paid.

Still awesome :)

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

I remembered Grimskunk (which is quite the cool band too! made for a great show, I'm sure!), forgot about the Ineffable Titos, but it came back to me.

Good times! :-)

[phrawzty.livejournal.com]

The fact that you're able to talk about it shows that you've learned from it. If you hadn't processed the events, and their ramifications, you wouldn't give it a second thought...

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've given this a second, third, fourth, and pretty much Nth thought!