Feeling rambly...

[pphaneuf]

Had a good time today, after a bit of a low with lots of stress and tiredness. I'm tired now, granted, but it's just because it's so damned late, so it's okay.

I got a Canon 28mm/f1.8 USM on order. I've been wanting that lens for a long time, saving up and stuff (since june? whew!), and now I'll be getting it soon. This will be an excellent walkaround lens. I was really missing the way my 50mm/f1.8 was on a film body (with the 20D, it comes out as an 80mm), and this will come out as about 45mm, with USM to boot (fast and silent!), it will be very nice.

I'm feeling semi-social. I want to see some people pretty hard, but large crowds are putting me off a bit. And I want to keep things simple. So I don't think I'll do Shadow Court.

Still feeling like making a "mix tape" (on a CD, really), even had picked a first track, Ministry's "Stigmata". Then I wasn't so sure how to follow it up properly, but got another idea for another mix tape, starting with Einstürzende Neubauten's "NNNAAAMMM". This one, I have a better idea of what else I'd put on, but the immediate track after the opening eludes me. This is kind of fun, I just listen to everything I have on random, attentive to what would go well with an air pressure valve exhausting... Heh.

Had some interesting discussion tonight with the lady azrhey. Apparently, some people use labels in really wretched ways. I think we need some labels, you know, "words" we call them, so that we can communicate about things, but these people are just weird. An example brought up was that say I had just one girlfriend at the moment, then I wouldn't be poly. Of course not, since I don't have more than one girlfriend! Duh! I really wonder, is a guy that doesn't have a girlfriend not hetero, then?

In essence, it comes down to the label describing me, rather than me trying to fit some label that's being applied. It's difficult having an alternative lifestyle this way, though, because there's all those alternative subcultures that are minorities and when they encounter someone who'd fit, they're all about that subculture's aspect. It's a subtle difference, but you get to see it. And as I discussed with elliptic_curve before, this is annoying, because all the books and resources, they get done by the "enthusiastic" people (like The Ethical Slut, a really good example of this). It doesn't make them bad resources, it just makes them bloody annoying to read!

Through some brief exchange with feygele, I guess I'm just queer. And queer theory seems fitting, particularly the bit about how "it questions the use of socially assigned categories based on the division between those who share some habit or lifestyle and those who do not".

For example, I was reflecting upon some suggestion of going to a swinging club that had been offered to me. I can see how I could possibly fit the definition of a swinger, but that I don't want to belong to that subculture at all. It's the same, to a lesser extent, with poly. I'm just who I am, I do things some way, and while you could call it that, it feels a bit uncomfortable sometimes when it's done.

It brings back this memory where I was in a bar, about to kiss a girl I know, and she was saying "well, we shouldn't you're with so-and-so", and the other girl with her (who I knew too) just said very loudly that "it was okay, he's poly". Gah, talk about being labeled from all sides at once!

Comments

[azrhey.livejournal.com]

people are strange.

I like my life simple. Take pictures, leave me the shrimp.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

I might take a shrimp or two.

[azrhey.livejournal.com]

shrimp is like angelina... first grab first get!

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! And I thought I was one of your "favourite persons"? What does that get me? A kneeing! LOL!

I agree that names for things are necessary, but it's when they aren't clearly defined enough that you can get confused with some other group of people, but you want nothing to do with that other group, then using that label on you can get on your nerves.

For me, there's the old annoying hacker versus cracker. I used to think I was a hacker, but now, I just admit that the meaning has been almost completely perverted, and I just use the term in the appropriate company.

While I make fun of those people in these subcultures, I do understand how they feel a bit. Sometimes, when you're in such a minority among society that you basically know very few or nobody directly who shares your beliefs, it's exciting to encounter someone who does (or seems like he does). If he doesn't completely, you'd probably be willing to overlook a few disagreements, in the excitation. And your relation with this person would be defined as "he shares my subculture".

I'm okay with being part of a bunch of subcultures, I just want my relationships with people (friends and all, not just girlfriend-type) not to be defined by that, but rather because they think I'm cool and fun, and I think likewise.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! "Grok it", you're awesome! Yeah, I grok...

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

And I still feel rambly, apparently. :-)

[xothia.livejournal.com]

I find it strange how a lot of people identify themselves by their sexual choices.

Have you thought that maybe you think too much about it. If you were really comfortable, you'd just be what you are and carry on with your life.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Heh. Felt rambly, and spent half the evening making fun of those "oh so poly" people. If that wouldn't have been a handy subject to write about, I'd have written about software release engineering theory, because that was the other thing I thought about today.

But it would have felt a bit more like work, so I preferred making fun of a few subcultures on the way to bed.

Most of the discomfort is dealing with other people. It's my own bane for having a way of life that is so "customized" I could say. If I were gay instead, it'd be a lot simpler, I'd say "I'm gay" and I'd be done with it. But now, someone asks and wants to understand (say, a girl I might be interested in and is about to kiss me but who checks if I have a girlfriend), and I go "uh, well, it's, um..." ("it's okay" might very well be taken wrongly as "I'm cheating, nevermind her", you'll have to admit).

[sfllaw.livejournal.com]

I suppose it would have been more appropriate to say, "It was okay, he's Pierre."

Unfortunately, that "label" is usually construed as insulting.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess that's what could have made sense, but how it would be usually taken as an insult. See my reply to taxlady further down.

The girl who I was about to kiss meant well, to try to "keep me in line", but I think I'd much rather prefer if people could be responsible for themselves, that if I was in a relatiionship that didn't allow this, I wouldn't do it. But I guess that's a bit too novel and doesn't really work out...

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Heh! Don't get me wrong. This post was all about making fun of those strange people over there.

I'll admit to being "queer" only because it's got the loosest of definition (unusual? yep, that's me!). I might as well admit to being "weird".

And with the queer theory quote, I found it funny to label myself as someone who doesn't like to put labels. I have a liking for meta humor. ;-)

Re: Not trying to police comments or anything, but look at the hypocrisy below!

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're so cute, coming to my defense! LOL! Thank you!

But if I would let what people think stop me, I'd have stopped a very long time ago...

[fuzzyila.livejournal.com]

An example brought up was that say I had just one girlfriend at the moment, then I wouldn't be poly.

That's just silly. You could date no one at all and be poly. In my opinion....

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

There's plenty of silly people, apparently. It really boggles the mind sometimes to try to understand how some people think.

[taxlady.livejournal.com]

I have no problem, in principle with "it was okay, he's poly". The problem is in its interpretation. A lot would depend on what the speaker meant, and to how the listener is going to interpret that.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

I think it's the way it's delivered, too. Say, if I had been gay, a good-looking girl would have come and hit on me a bit, I'd have turned her away politely, a friend asks "what's up with that?", and another slightly inebriated friend would yell "oh, it's okay, he's gay!".

I think the "slightly inebriated" part is probably what played the biggest part here, as the speaker meant well, and the listener saw through that, but the whole situation was a bit uncomfortable. I think I've been mostly saved from having everyone stare at me by the fact that not so many people know what "poly" means.

[elliptic-curve.livejournal.com]

Perhaps because I'm good at joining subcultures where I eventually despise everyone else that is part of the same group (polyamory, paganism, math nerds), I've decided that I hate labels.

For example, I hate having to describe my sexual orientation when someone asks me. I found this lovely description the other day, and I'm sticking to it now: "straight, but you know, stuff happens..." :-P

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Well, join me in being queer, then! Like I said earlier, there's something fun at labeling yourself as someone who doesn't like labels!

Me, I use "mostly straight" when I'm asked. Keeps people on their toes. :-)

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I forgot to make fun of the wiccans/pagans! Man, are these ever hilarious!

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the poly pagans, they ought to have their own category, I think. They're already so used to be so serious about something silly, that when they add on the poly on top, it goes completely off-the-charts silly!

[elliptic-curve.livejournal.com]

Oh God yes! I can't stand 99% of the other people who call themselves pagans! They're so annoying and flaky. I don't even tell people I'm pagan anymore because I don't want to be associated with them.

It seems that paganism has come to mean:

let's be completely ignorant about biology, physics and any other actual science that describes the nature they claim to worship
let's rip off the traditions of indigeneous people and other cultures completely out of context without bothering to understand any of their complex or subtle issues
let's be creepy old guys hoping to get with young hippy chicks
let's believe in completely hoky new age crap from a million contradictory sources
let's be as white and middle-class and as lame as possible

I want to punch other pagans in the face!

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

I hear you. Except for the part about the creepy old guys, didn't have too much issue with that myself. ;-)