Introspection night!
Aug. 6th, 2005 05:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pphaneufI like waking up some people. It's rare I get to do it, with my sleep patterns, but I enjoy it when it happens.
Had a good time at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cpirate's Nitiversary yesterday. An odd even higher than usual number of moments where I noticed how my way of thinking is different than that of others.
The work week flew by incredibly quickly, but the friday was one of these marathon 16 hour days. Productivity severely tapers off toward the end, of course, particularly as I bounced ideas withcpirate and wlach, but managed to produce some good evilness. We went for a beer at Old Dublin after, which has rather loud, but sometimes deliciously odd music (for an irish pub). We left the place to the sound of Björk, which was awesome.
It's actually a cold night tonight. And I'll be alone in my bed, and I'm looking forward to it. I rarely miss having the bed for myself (the opposite is more common, yes!), but I do like it sometimes. Not that I haven't had it this week sometimes, but I don't know, tonight seems likes a stretch out in my bed kind of night. Or morning, as it may be, since I felt like doing groceries and driving around, and it is now ridiculously late (or amazingly early). Hmm, pierogies for dinner tomorrow!
Some thoughts I've simmered for a long time, and often find myself trying to explain in an inarticulate way, so I'll write them down and just point at this entry. :-)
How do people in exclusive relationships deal with being attracted to someone else, particularly when it's not just a physical kind of attraction, but that there really seems to be something? What's the agreement exactly in a "conventional relationship"? I understand that physical displays of affection would be off-limit and considered cheating, but what about the feelings? "I'm in love with this other guy, but I'm not cheating!", is that true? To me, the feelings would count at least as much, and I've let my exes get very close physically to some persons where there wasn't much attraction without flinching, and feeling cheated upon when seeing simple holding of hands where I felt this wasn't the case.
If you are with someone who expects you to love him/her exclusively, would you break up if you found yourself not doing so? Is it more fair and respectful to do so, as you would be effectively "cheating" by breaking what was more or less agreed upon? Or would that be unfair? Hmm, maybe it's unfair but respectful?
In my opinion, this is just a completely unreasonable request, and someone insisting on something so ludicrous as requiring me to have total control on my emotions (as opposed to acting or not upon them) would find themselves free to require this of someone else soon enough...
Had a good time at
cpirate's Nitiversary yesterday. An odd even higher than usual number of moments where I noticed how my way of thinking is different than that of others.The work week flew by incredibly quickly, but the friday was one of these marathon 16 hour days. Productivity severely tapers off toward the end, of course, particularly as I bounced ideas with
cpirate and wlach, but managed to produce some good evilness. We went for a beer at Old Dublin after, which has rather loud, but sometimes deliciously odd music (for an irish pub). We left the place to the sound of Björk, which was awesome.It's actually a cold night tonight. And I'll be alone in my bed, and I'm looking forward to it. I rarely miss having the bed for myself (the opposite is more common, yes!), but I do like it sometimes. Not that I haven't had it this week sometimes, but I don't know, tonight seems likes a stretch out in my bed kind of night. Or morning, as it may be, since I felt like doing groceries and driving around, and it is now ridiculously late (or amazingly early). Hmm, pierogies for dinner tomorrow!
Some thoughts I've simmered for a long time, and often find myself trying to explain in an inarticulate way, so I'll write them down and just point at this entry. :-)
How do people in exclusive relationships deal with being attracted to someone else, particularly when it's not just a physical kind of attraction, but that there really seems to be something? What's the agreement exactly in a "conventional relationship"? I understand that physical displays of affection would be off-limit and considered cheating, but what about the feelings? "I'm in love with this other guy, but I'm not cheating!", is that true? To me, the feelings would count at least as much, and I've let my exes get very close physically to some persons where there wasn't much attraction without flinching, and feeling cheated upon when seeing simple holding of hands where I felt this wasn't the case.
If you are with someone who expects you to love him/her exclusively, would you break up if you found yourself not doing so? Is it more fair and respectful to do so, as you would be effectively "cheating" by breaking what was more or less agreed upon? Or would that be unfair? Hmm, maybe it's unfair but respectful?
In my opinion, this is just a completely unreasonable request, and someone insisting on something so ludicrous as requiring me to have total control on my emotions (as opposed to acting or not upon them) would find themselves free to require this of someone else soon enough...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
I'm just going to ramble on and talk shit because it's late, I felt I needed to share and I'm tipsy
Date: 2005-08-07 08:48 am (UTC)It is fucking HARD. You are able to overcome the "obstacles" (or crushes, strong attraction, etc...) when you weigh what you have against what you might be getting yourself into, sure! But the time between the realization that you might be straying from monogamy(even if just in your mind)knowing that that was not part of the deal and the time that you actually resolve anything, can really drive anybody nuts. How do I do it? I really don't know. The UPS guy is such a tall steamy glass of liquid sex(and a charming man, too) and that middle aged guy from Marseilles is so brilliant(such a sexy motherfucker) that I really think I am not human sometimes. HA HA HA!
Most of the monogamous people THAT I KNOW that think you can't possibly love two persons at the same time, are people who believe this because they have shielded themselves, actively eradicated thoughts of anything other than monogamy working for them, but have never actually allowed themselves to be proven wrong. They believe more in monogamy as an ideal of what they would like to have just because it's wired into them, not because it is something that is easy to carry out. It doesn't matter how much you love someone, relationships always go through hardships. Let's say in one of those weak moments of your relationship you meet someone who comforts you and you become interested in them. The reason what keeps most people that I know monogamous in that situation is probably because they want to avoid inconvenient situations and unnecessary breaking of hearts(and egos), not because they think that being monogamous is the only logic and the ultimate way of carrying a relationship. I'm sure if the inconveniences(the hurting of people, people judging, etc..) were waived, people would hit that shit like nothing before! I would!
I believe we are completely capable of loving two persons at the same time. And if it wasn't because of egos, reputations and things of the such, monogamy would not be as popular. I have sincerely, honestly loved two people at the same time and when I saw what it did to me, I turned to monogamy at once! It fucked me up and I could not handle it. The inner struggle of not being enough, not having enough energy for the one or the other was excruciating because since I honestly loved these people, I wanted to carry out a full traditional relationship with each. That is not the case with everyone that tries this, though. Folks that are monogamous wonder about the hardships of not being just that, just like you are doing now about monogamy. Myself in particular, I practice monogamy because: when I love a person I do it so intensely and give myself so completely that it is not possible(in my eyes) to do it with more than one person in the way I do.
I guess monogamy(or not) is a bit like religion. It usually only makes sense to the person who believes in it, even without the need of concrete realizations of why. Probably faith that what you are doing is right and obviously you feel right doing it. There is nothing else that I love more than waking up in the morning and knowing that my day will be well spent investing my energies, my love and myself on making someone happy that will do the exact same thing for me and only me. That's enough to make ME a believer.
I'm too tired for this to even be making any sense so I'll shut up. I must have read it like 5 times but the alcohol/lack of sleep is preventing it from clicking in my head so I probably just wrote a whole bunch of crap without even realizing it.
Re: I'm just going to ramble on and talk shit because it's late, I felt I needed to share and I'm t
Date: 2005-08-09 08:41 am (UTC)Maybe you're right and there's a bit of faith involved. I just believe in loving those I love and being true to them, quite simply.