My place in the world.

[pphaneuf]

I find that it's hard for me to find my place in the world.

I have an extremely stripped down view of life, where just the essentials come into play. I find that I spend a great deal of energy dealing with the impedance mismatch with the rest of the world. People putting artificial restraints around themselves, and basically freaking out when I just walk through them unhindered.

I was poking fun at poly folks, for burdening themselves with so many rules and being so damned self-conscious about all of that. But I was chatting with cberner tonight, who also isn't monogamous, and who is now in an exclusive relationship with a girl. Basically, he has this belief that he just can't follow through because he's with someone who doesn't share it. That's kind of harsh, I don't really know what I'd do if I were in the same situation! It seems that a lot of the poly folks are dealing with (or are themselves!) people that are just at the edge, tolerating their behaviour, but not really understanding it. So there are often lots of rules to make the other comfortable, give them clear expectations. What's wrong with "I love you, and I'd like to spend time with you"?

I often consider how incredibly I am lucky with azrhey having such a similar point of view, but even then, I'm having to deal with some "normal people" having ridiculous issues. People ask who was that other girl that they saw me with, even though I didn't (and wouldn't!) do anything "suspicious". You know what? I have friends, and some of them are female! Yes, I know, it might be a shock, but fucking come down already! People comment about how underdressed I am compared to azrhey, and I'm like "what the fuck does this have to do with anything?!?". How did I convince her to "get into the dating scene"? What's this scene? How can I convince anyone of joining that thing? I called her up and asked her if she wanted to see a movie or have a pint, how about that? Maybe you should have asked? Maybe it's not too late for you, if you stop being a fucking retard already?

But in any case, the poly folks are still too damned self-conscious. Okay, so I am too, sometimes. Shut up, yeah, you in the back.

What's with people and being complicated? Oh well...

Comments

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Most people do, it's true. But, thankfully, I'm not most people!

In fact, I find myself having deep programming of feeling back about some things that I just know at a more conscious level are perfectly fine and can be quite fun. I am quite annoyed at my up-bringing when that happens.