No one ever really leaves your life.

[pphaneuf]

Woke up to see a smile, then upon arriving at work today, was greeted by a smiling ayria, which is one of my favorite way to be greeted, quickly to be followed by an equally radiant musicdieu fondling me a bit. That was a good start to the day, and turns out I was going to need it. I missed those people, I'm very glad to have them around again!

Got to get a background track of hub_'s bitching about the horror of a certain number of things, cursing various hardware and software manufacturers abundantly. He's got a bitch of a job to do, so I understand.

Worked on one of these bugs where it's not really a complicated idea, but it has so many special cases, exceptions and corner cases that it get to be complicated anyway. Hate those, but I got it all figured out, I think. I saw some possible problems, but nothing serious, and all outside of the spec, so it should be all fine like this.

Remembered that I had mrwise's coop student evaluation form to fill in. Gah, I have no word to say how much I hate those. Stayed much later at work than I expected, going over corner cases, coming up with crap to fill in forms, etc...

I'm feeling this strange "depressed about some things, but happy about others" feeling again, and it might very have had to do with my staying late at the office. I didn't really have to, but had a hard time pushing myself out. Had plans of cooking myself some food and putting further order in my study, but ended up nibbling on a few things and being too late and tired.

I'm also having a very odd phase of dipping back into mourning denizsarikaya, starting maybe with a friend's unexpected electronic encounter with her and then my own. Then, going to Alpenhaus friday with azrhey, wasn't direct, but she obviously had many memories with Denzo there, and there were a few moments were something was said, and we just went silent... Sometime during the weekend, I found myself shedding a few tears. Today, ayria stopped and noticed the small memorial we have at work, which attracted my attention, and tied a bit of a knot in my stomach again. I hear echoes of her friends from all over, remembering her, wondering what happened, missing her...

I don't want to hide from my feelings, I like to wallow in them and feel them through, this is still quite manageable and I'm well surrounded/supported, but still, it is not the most enjoyable.

I'm looking very much forward to tomorrow's dinner at Old Dublin, as I'll have all of my very favorite people together, which has always been very happy and joyful moments in the past, and it has been a long time.

And here I am now, not going to bed. I'll go now.

Comments

[dcoombs.livejournal.com]

Everybody mourns in their own way, and it is rather common for feelings of grief to come back after weeks or months of thinking that you were all right. It happens, and it's not necessarily a "very odd phase"; don't find it unusual. Let it happen.

It sounds like you're not afraid of it, which is good.

[pphaneuf.livejournal.com]

Letting it happen is my intent. What I find odd is the synchronicity. I feeds on itself, probably, hearing about it from someone else reminded me, and so on, I suppose... I had to tell the whole story again this week, bleh.