I'm assuming that she is in a "monogomous" relationship.
Stay out. It is not your business to step in and break the boundaries of a relationship like this. By going behind his back and doing anything that you very well know he wouldn't be comfortable with, you are acting dishonourably. This is not to say your way or his way are better, but they entered into this relationship with (implied or expressed) their rules, which you knowledgeably are going against. While ultimately, it's her decision to break trust (and lying by omission is just as bad), by being a participant, you are sulying your own name (even if you feel you owe him nothing). Maybe he doesn't deserve her, or maybe she should leave him, but she's the one who's chosing to stay in the relationship.
Which brings me to my next point. Saying anything to him is going way too far. It's not your business to do something like that, and by going behind her back, you may very well lose her. She hasn't said anything or left the relationship for her own reasons. It'll be a lot more horrifying for him to hear from you, and I'm assuming that she is an intelligent, rational person who can make decisions for herself.
Consider this: If you love her, and considering your open mind to sharing, waiting this out for a little while won't be so bad. In the mean time, you can both share a close and warm but platonic friendship and mutual love. This is what you say is important to you anyways. Even better, not being able to have you physically until she resolves this issue with her monogomaous relationship will maybe spur her along to act more quickly.
The short of it is that if you respect her, you will not take away her free choice by making that decision for her, and if you love her, you will not lower her by helping her to break the trust of someone (she at least at one time) loves/d. She'll work it out in her own time.
I don't know the whole situation here, but what I do know is that getting into someone else's relationship, against one or the other of their set rules, is a bad idea.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-10-13 12:46 pm (UTC)I'm assuming that she is in a "monogomous" relationship.
Stay out. It is not your business to step in and break the boundaries of a relationship like this. By going behind his back and doing anything that you very well know he wouldn't be comfortable with, you are acting dishonourably. This is not to say your way or his way are better, but they entered into this relationship with (implied or expressed) their rules, which you knowledgeably are going against. While ultimately, it's her decision to break trust (and lying by omission is just as bad), by being a participant, you are sulying your own name (even if you feel you owe him nothing). Maybe he doesn't deserve her, or maybe she should leave him, but she's the one who's chosing to stay in the relationship.
Which brings me to my next point. Saying anything to him is going way too far. It's not your business to do something like that, and by going behind her back, you may very well lose her. She hasn't said anything or left the relationship for her own reasons. It'll be a lot more horrifying for him to hear from you, and I'm assuming that she is an intelligent, rational person who can make decisions for herself.
Consider this: If you love her, and considering your open mind to sharing, waiting this out for a little while won't be so bad. In the mean time, you can both share a close and warm but platonic friendship and mutual love. This is what you say is important to you anyways. Even better, not being able to have you physically until she resolves this issue with her monogomaous relationship will maybe spur her along to act more quickly.
The short of it is that if you respect her, you will not take away her free choice by making that decision for her, and if you love her, you will not lower her by helping her to break the trust of someone (she at least at one time) loves/d. She'll work it out in her own time.
I don't know the whole situation here, but what I do know is that getting into someone else's relationship, against one or the other of their set rules, is a bad idea.